Things nobody told me about being a parent.

  1. Kids are absolutely disgusting when they get sick.  Be prepared to be used as a human  handkerchief.
  2. Kiss goodbye to conveniently leaving your spare change or hairclips laying about the house.  They will be in your child's mouth at the precise moment that you stop looking.
  3. I've heard about that parent's sixth sense where you get alarmed when it gets quiet...it's happened to me.  And I'm usually right, that's when Drake's discovered that high heels taste great.
  4. The stages of sleep deprivation are a) exhaustion b) oh my god, now I really know what exhaustion is c) how many times did I get up last night...seriously, how many d) stay in bed honey, I got this one. e) It's no big deal.  Really, you reach a point where it doesn't matter and you stop counting hours of lost sleep!
  5. We've lived like the Amish ever since Drake discovered electrical cords plugged into the wall...
  6. I pick up things constantly.  Constantly.  Over time it's not even aggravating, I just do it.  It's either that or trip over balls, cubes, pieces of paper, etc every step of the way to the refrigerator.
  7. My $400 universal remote will still work after being slobbered on.  So does my $500 iPhone.

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